OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
