how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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