i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
