He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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