Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
