woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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