Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
