We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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