Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
