I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
