Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
