he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
