apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
