i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
