GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
