so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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