It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i was born a porn star she said
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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