My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need moral support for this bender
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
