he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
