ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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