Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
