just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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