3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had sex on a roof
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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