New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
