I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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