Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
