The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
