I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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