No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
