Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
