I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she told me i tasted like america
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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