Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
