I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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