I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
