plz talk dirty to me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
