That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
