So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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