1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
nutella sex= disaster
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
