Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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