i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
