she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
