I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
