So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
