Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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