Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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