I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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