Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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