I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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