Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
