You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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