Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
